Fifty Shades of Bae
by MyGoofySecondAccount
Summary: When Zach Wellies hurls his signed Mai-Lee Sighruss photo at Nicole Dicksun, she must be rushed to Royal Manchestnut Children's Hospital. There, her friend Chloe Koots meets the shy yet charming Oscar Tomtom, and everybody must tolerate Thomas Mollin's unbearably terrible jokes. But what will Zach do now that he has attacked somebody, and has a criminal record?


**Chapter 1: Shattered Photo**

What is a fangirl? The Urban Dictionary defines it as 'A rabid breed of human female who is obsessed with either a fictional character or an actor.' Since the rapid rise of the internet, the term 'fangirl' has become widespread and well known, particularly on social networking sites such as Twitter. Anybody reading this probably has a friend that would classify herself as a fangirl, or may even be one. Whatever the case, it is recommended you know what a fangirl is before reading this strange, pointless story, because our tale starts off at the house of one...

Chloe Kewts was your average fangirl, living in Manchestnut, a large, bustling city in the UK. However, the city wasn't particularly bustling at that moment, since the time was five minutes to midnight. Chloe was in her bedroom, wearing a fluffy white jumper. She had short, black hair that was parted to one side, and was joined tonight by her friend, Nicole Diksun, one of her close friends. Nicole had medium-length purple-red hair, and was sitting with Chloe on her bed. They were watching a movie that had been released recently, entitled 'The Asphalt Under Our Cars'. The movie was a feature-length documentary about how roads work, and how our cars are able to drive smoothly on them.

But Chloe wasn't interested in learning how our cars travel on roads. She was watching because her favourite actor, Hansel Al Gore, was the person talking.

"So, what is asphalt?" Hansel asked rhetorically. "Well, science dictates that it is a mixture of dark bituminous pitch with sand or gravel, often used for surfacing roads. That's what the title of this film means, you see. The cars drive on the road, which is made of asphalt. So, the asphalt is under our cars. But anyway, back on subject..."

"Oh, Hansel," Chloe sighed as she reached out her hand to touch where Hansel was on the television screen. "You have such defined cheekbones..."

"Its other main uses are for bituminous waterproofing products, including production of roofing felt and for sealing flat roofs."

"The only thing that makes this interesting is you, Hansel..." said Chloe.

Nicole, however didn't care about how good Hansel looked. Unlike Chloe, she was was watching because she was interested. "Hm, I see! Fascinating."

About halfway into the film, the two friends heard a faint crashing noise from downstairs. They gulped, paused the film for a minute and strained their ears to listen closely. Nothing. A minute later, footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs. Who could it be at past midnight? Wait... were there two people coming? Dread filled their hearts. Nicole cowered under the sheets of Chloe's bed, but Chloe didn't move as she was still frozen in shock.

Chloe soon calmed down when she heard a familiar voice saying, "Yo! You awake, Chloe? Just been to a Mai-Lee Sighruss concert, it was amazing!"

Phew... it was just one of Chloe's other friends, Zach Wellies.

"It's okay, Nicole, you can come out. It's just my friend, Zach..." Chloe said in a reassuring voice. But who was the other person? After all, she had heard two pairs of footsteps.

Nicole, still calming down, crawled back out from her hiding place in Chloe's bed.

The bedroom door swung open and Zach came striding in.

"There was SO. MUCH. TWERKING. It was amazing!" he said, still talking about the concert. Next to him was another boy, around the same age.

"Hey, we haven't met. I'm Thomas Mollin, Zach's... ahem... 'friend'. He wouldn't leave me alone unless I went with him to listen to this... "music", if that's what you want to call it."

"Shusshhhh, Tom, I was talking. So, anyway, yeah, there was so much twerking, I think Mai-Lee has had butt implants or something, her booty's looking better than ever- OH MY GOD, WHO IS THAT?!" he screamed, facing Nicole, who he had only just noticed.

"Stop panicking, Zach, nobody's snuck into my house, it's me friend, Nicole!" Chloe shouted. But her words were lost over the sound of Zach's yells, who proceded to pull a signed photo out of his left coat pocket. "I didn't want to have to sacrifice my framed Mai-Lee Sighruss photo, especially since she signed it, but I have no choice!" he blurted, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Here- take this!"

The photo flew across the room, and faster than anybody could catch it, faster than destiny could alter itself, it collided with Nicole's head. It bounced away, hit a wall, and landed, broken into 16 pieces next to Nicole's unconscious figure.

"Ha! That's what you get for sneaking into my friend's- wait, that's your friend?" Zach asked, finally realizing what Chloe had said. "...Oops."

"NICOLE!" screamed Chloe, kneeling at her side.

"ZACH!" shouted Thomas. "You might have just killed somebody!"

"I-I'm sorry! I didn't think about it..."

"You never do think about anything, do you Zach?!" Chloe accused, angrily.

"Hey!" Zach retorted. "...No. No, I don't."

"That's not important right now! I'm calling an ambulance."

**NEXT TIME: Will Nicole survive this fatal blow to her cranium? Will Zach ever be forgiven? And just what's the deal with this Thomas guy, and his terrible puns? Find out in Chapter 2: Bars and Melody, coming soon!**


End file.
